he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
