dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
