no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
