OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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