I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
