I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
