Already got asked if we're dating
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
