Even the bartender felt bad for me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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