What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
