They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
