I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
