you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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