So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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