I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
