You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
