was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
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He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after