"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
