I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
