Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
They have beer where we have blood.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
