Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
