Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
