Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
