and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
