i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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