We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
