You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
