I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
