he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
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I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
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Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
We smell like vodka and hangover
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