So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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