I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
