i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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