Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
