Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
