now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
