How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
