After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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