i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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