best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
