I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
