Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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