I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
