If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just found a bag of teeth...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
