Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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