It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices