Don't you send me to vm
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.