I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?