Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
