she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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