I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
