Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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