I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
