I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
