and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
