I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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