You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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