Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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