my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
