Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's blow job season.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
