11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
