so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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