Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
