theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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