my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
