All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
