we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
